Food Horror

firemachine:

This is me battling an astronaut as a kid.   Sucka got served.

Mamaday:

That’s my boy.

I’ve been trying to eat low fat my whole life.  That’s what they told us to do to lose weight and have a healthy heart.  Fat was BAD.  But it seems, THEY have changed their mind. Let me explain what THEY say now. Now there are GOOD fats.  THEY started realizing this when they noticed that people who lived in the countries around the Mediterranean Sea had less heart disease than us Western types, and they ate a @#% load of olive oil (I can’t say that; I’m a professional).  Well now THEY know.  Olive oil has a lot of monounsaturated fat, more specifically monounsaturated fatty acids.  Fatty acids; What a disgusting phrase.  Fatty (what you used to call the shy, hungry kid next door- yeah you did- don’t deny it) acids (stuff that could dissolve your face if you got into a strong one).  They are the stuff that packs on the baggage.  But they are not all bad.

First let me explain that there are different kinds of fatty acids.  The afore mentioned monounsaturated acids are good.  They help lower bad cholesterol  (LDL) levels without lowering the good (HDL).  Olives, avocado and canola oil have a lot.  Eat them, but don’t eat too much or you’ll end up like the kid next door, because they have more than twice the calories per gram than carbs or proteins.  A little is good because it helps slow the digestion of everything you eat with it.  And that’s good because you won’t get hungry again so fast and pig out on chips and candy bars about 4pm. There’s another “good” one (in quotes because everything is relative).  That is, omega-3  fatty acids.  It has something to do with where the double bonds are— you wouldn’t understand, so forget it. They help lower triglyceride levels and combat inflammation among other things.   Fatty fish have a lot, but you’ve got to watch out for those that are contaminated with mercury and other bad stuff. I don’t have time to talk about that now, so educate yourself.  There are some omega-3’s in some plant foods, especially flax seed and walnuts, but they contain a precursor to the active form, which isn’t converted to the active form very efficiently.  The reason I referred to relativity is, you need a higher proportion of omega-3s to omega-6s than you are probably getting. Omega-6 fatty acids are also polyunsaturated fatty acids, which used to be GOOD. They are in vegetable oils such as soybean oil and safflower oil.  You still need them. Linoleic acid, an omega-6 fat, is an essential fatty acid.  You need it to live.  You just shouldn’t get too much relative to omega-3’s.  Are you thoroughly confused?  I rest my case.

Love ya,

Mamaday

OK, I’m going to tell you how to be healthy, but I’m going to do it in small bits of information so that your one-track minds can keep up. Let’s start with what it really takes to build muscle, since that’s all you really care about at this point.

Let’s start with carbs (carbohydrates for those of you who think carbs is a real word). You need them to build muscle. They are the fuel that lets you move. The terms energy metabolism and glucose metabolism are used interchangeably (too big a word for you?). The thing they are providing to your body gets down to glucose. You can get them as simple sugars (sweets- a girlie word) or complex carbohydrates (starches- no not what they put in shirts) or even some amino acids (protein- but, as I mentioned before, if you were keeping up, you get ammonia too if you eat too much). Unless you are working out like a mother, you want to get “energy”, i.e. glucose, from complex carbohydrates.

To illustrated this concept for your simple minds, imagine a chain. Guys like chains, right? Glucose is like the links of the chain. If chains were edible, it would be easy to eat one after the other. But if they are linked together and you had to remove each one before you could eat it, it would take a while to eat. Complex carbs are like that. They are long chains of glucose, which takes a while for your body to digest and absorb. So, they keep you going longer.

So, forget those sweet, sugary, syrupy, drinks you live on. They tell you they’ll give you energy. Energy is one of those things- you’ve gotta use it or lose it. Get your carbs from whole grains, yams, potatoes, brown rice, whole grain pasta.

You need the “whole” foods because processed foods are stripped of all the good stuff. You need the fiber in whole food to slow the absorption of the glucose from starch (and other stuff- for a later date) and you need the nutrients they strip out of processed foods to make sure the whole process of energy metabolism has everything it needs to work right. We’ll talk more about nutrients late. Small bits at a time.

Love ya,

Mamaday

It’s interesting to me that a lot of you men don’t seem to think it’s cool to talk about healthy food.  You’re fine with fitness and strength training and think that all you’ve got to do is eat more protein and you’ll get a six pack and lots of women.  You’re so wrong (yeah- you heard me right).  You’re wrong.  You don’t like that do you?

Well it’s time you listened up.  Your life depends on it.  You may not want to think about that, but, do you think the girls are going to look at you when your skin looks like a funny colored leather and you have to take a rain check on a lunch date because you’ve got a date with the dialysis clinic?

Besides, you don’t need that much protein to build muscle.  You probably eat too much already, especially if you think a low carb diet is a good idea and that bacon is better for you than a banana.  All of that extra protein you are eating, that DOESN’T go into muscle building, turns into fat and ammonia.  AMMONIA!  How do you like having that floating around in your blood stream?  Your liver is supposed to turn it into urea, but if you shot your liver with a nightly belly full of beer, or whatever, you’re going to have ammonia messing you up.

So, think about what you are eating.  Learn something.  Your body expects better of you. Keep coming back and you’ll find out what your body really needs.

Love ya,

Mamaday

YOU EAT IT

1.     Use guacamole rather than mayonnaise (or just add a slice of avocado) and call it “The Guac “ (it’s all in the name-yeah, you’ve heard it before- so what).

2.     Make a roasted (now there’s a manly word) red pepper sauce but just putting roasted red peppers in a blender for a few seconds (I can’t tell you how many seconds- that would be girlie).  Spread a little of that on you turkey sandwich.

3.     Open a can of butterbeans (they are more manly than baby limas), throw them in the blender with a little olive oil for a few seconds and spread them on your sandwich. Using hummus (same idea) would be easier- you like easy-right?

4.     Blend some cooked spinach with ricotta cheese, add a little salt, pepper and nutmeg (you don’t have to tell anybody it’s in there) and spread that on your sandwich.

5.     Try some exotic fruit (you know you like exotic) on your sandwich.  If can’t pronounce it or you’ve never heard of it, it’s exotic (pineapple being an exception).

6.     Spread cranberry sauce on your turkey sandwich (tell everybody it was your idea).

7.     Layer lettuce, tomato, artichoke hearts, peppers (try jalapeños if you’re tough enough) spinach, onions, sliced olives, sliced mushrooms and anything else you can think of that you like on the turkey sandwich.  The point here is big.  Big is manly, right?

You’ve got to think of this as an adventure, boldly going where no man has gone before.  Tell anybody to stick –it if they try to give you a hard time.  Tell them that you’re going to be healthy, while they’re going to shrivel up and die.

Here’s to your health!

Love ya,

Mamaday

I have an inadvertent client, let’s call Tomas (yeah, I spelled it right).  He eats turkey sandwiches day in and day out.  Now I’ve got nothing against turkey, not that I have anything against vegetarianism.  And I’ve got nothing against sandwiches (if you don’t overdo it).

But what we need here is some variety.  I know men have a thing about “man food”.  For instance, no self-respecting man wants to be caught dead with a tea sandwich- you probably don’t even know what that is, so never mind.  I know what Tomas really wants is a burger, but he’s trying to eat healthy- in his mind- and cheap.

I am starting this blog to help you men get out of your ruts and put some adventure into your eating.  My Mama always said, “Variety is the spice of life”.  Well, variety, when it comes to food, is the spice that keeps your motor running, so to speak.  And that variety has gotta include some fruits and veggies if you want peak performance without building up a lot of sludge in your arteries.

So keep coming back for more and I’ll give you some ideas on how to eat your fruits and veggies that will satisfy and won’t make you look girlie.

Love ya,

Mamaday